The Slut Retirement Plan™

Are you her personal retirement plan? An essay exposing the SRP of today's women.

What’s up man,

Today I wanted to discuss the SRP with you, short for Slut Retirement Plan™.

I coined this a few weeks ago after I got fed up with all these high profile fake conservahoes "converting" to Christianity as they get knocked up or hit the 30 wall doing 90 mph.

The Slut Retirement Plan™ has been on my mind forming for a few years now because I've seen it slowly take shape and evolve in American culture across social media.

This is when a bad girl who has been skankin it up for 10-15 years, and posting documented evidence of it publicly on Instagram for many years, all of a sudden switches gears to Good Girl™ mode.

Her Instagram profile will go from constant pics of her shit faced with friends, mostly naked, titties and ass falling out everywhere, pics of all these guys she's banging with her, champagne all over her face, tongue hanging out all the time....

Then all of a sudden, those pics disappear. Scrubbed forever.

Poof. She does a magic slut trick.

Now pics are being uploaded daily of motivational quotes, outdoors shit, family photos, maybe some patriotic stuff, and best of all bible quotes.

Yes this raging skankaroo boss queen whore magically found god right as she hit 30 (and tested positive for chlamydia and/or type 2 herpes). 

With some fresh anti-biotics she’s a certified good girl now.

What a fucking coincidence. Can you believe it? Miracles do happen!

My personal favorite is when the chick puts a Christian cross between F cup tits (where ding dongs were and are regularly travelling) and still finds time to show this off after the conversion - because she's addicted to the attention like a drug addict.

This “good girl” is literally going through withdrawal.

Yeah you go gurrrl, I'm sure Jesus loves hanging out where 50 different hot dogs have been.

This shit is absurd, and increasingly common.

Tie it all together... and you have the official Slut Retirement Plan™.

• Step 1: Slut it up like crazy for 10-15 years.

• Step 2: Get fat and wrinkly. Add a nose ring/tattoos for bonus points.

• Step 3: Wipe social media history.

• Step 4: Post religious bait for beta males.